Zornhau

A German sorcerer has cast Kurtzhau’s Romans back to the Jurassic, where they’ve been abducted by a flying saucer. The aliens didn’t expect Marcellanus to be a magician, otherwise they wouldn’t have stored the weapons so close to the lockup…

Tertius, Kurtzhau's centurian, is about to acquire the rest of his century:


47 legionaries! Understrength somewhat, but what the hell...

Ebay has a lot to answer for.

From the ongoing saga of Marcellinus the Scholar and his best mate Tertius the Centurian:

Me: ...so the Frost Giants had vanished and the Summer had returned. 

Tertius the Centurian said, "Well done my friend. Your spell banished the Frost Giants. Now the Rhine won't freeze, and the Goths won't be able to invade!"  

They sat up late, drinking wine and eating wild boar. But in the morning, their was frost on their beards, snow in the street, and icicles hanging from the roof.

Kurtzhau (aged 4): What happened Daddy? Why was the snow back?

Me: That's what Tertius asked. They climbed onto the roof and looked out into Germania. There on the horizon for all to see, wreathed in storm clouds were three more Frost Giants! Worse still, the sun glinted on ten thousand Gothic spearheads - the barbarians were poised to sweep over the Rhine as soon as it froze. 

Tertius was very angry. "We were so brave last night, stealing hair from their chins so you could do that spell. What are they doing back?"

"Well", said Marcellinus the Scholar. "Frost Giants are magical. They don't belong in our world. We never asked what they were doing here in the first place. I think the Goths must have a Wizard who's using his special powers to bring the giants to our world--

--Kurtzhau, what do you think they should do?

Kurtzhau:  Take out the Wizard, Daddy.

Yes, you are seeing this, and yes, Kurtzhau is not 4 yet...

Kurtzhau finds a pice of pipe lagging. "Daddy, I want you to make me that thing that's called a Emean Eee-poon!"

"Um." Well, I made him  a halberd out of pipelagging and carry mat. So. "Do you meant a Bohemian Earspoon?"

"Yes Daddy. An Earspoon. Make me an Earspoon."

"OK..." 

At the weekend, I actually pulled off a Kurtzhau, live... or as live as you can get with masks and blunts.


I'm the bloke on the left. The chap on the right -

krumphau, I think it was - made a downwards cut from his right. I made as if to swat it aside with a windscreenwiper-like "Krumphau", but insidea twisted and pointed to blade out to my left. His blade landed on mine and caught on the crossguard. Mine was now inside his guard, with hilarious consequences. 

This blow is called the Kurtzhau, or "Short Cut". It took us about half anout of Twister-with-Swords to work it out, and another hour or so to convince ourselves that it's for real. I chose the name as the LJ pseudonym for my son because, well he's three and therefore short. Har har. Now it seems, I shall be able to teach it to him.