Zornhau

From the ongoing saga of Marcellinus the Scholar and his best mate Tertius the Centurian:

Me: ...so the Frost Giants had vanished and the Summer had returned. 

Tertius the Centurian said, "Well done my friend. Your spell banished the Frost Giants. Now the Rhine won't freeze, and the Goths won't be able to invade!"  

They sat up late, drinking wine and eating wild boar. But in the morning, their was frost on their beards, snow in the street, and icicles hanging from the roof.

Kurtzhau (aged 4): What happened Daddy? Why was the snow back?

Me: That's what Tertius asked. They climbed onto the roof and looked out into Germania. There on the horizon for all to see, wreathed in storm clouds were three more Frost Giants! Worse still, the sun glinted on ten thousand Gothic spearheads - the barbarians were poised to sweep over the Rhine as soon as it froze. 

Tertius was very angry. "We were so brave last night, stealing hair from their chins so you could do that spell. What are they doing back?"

"Well", said Marcellinus the Scholar. "Frost Giants are magical. They don't belong in our world. We never asked what they were doing here in the first place. I think the Goths must have a Wizard who's using his special powers to bring the giants to our world--

--Kurtzhau, what do you think they should do?

Kurtzhau:  Take out the Wizard, Daddy.

Fatherhood is helping your 3-year old son identify and name his Playmobil polearms.

mood: optimistic

Yes, Sprog 2.0 two is on track for November 2007 release. All main features are as yet undocumented, but the new unit should be compatible with Sprog 1.0 "Kurtzhau". 

Unfortunately, the "Self Cleaning" enhancement turns out to be not technically feasible, but the add-on will be available for installation in about 4 years. We are optimistic about the inclusion of  "Sleep Soundly through Night" functionality.

IKEA, as we discovered this evening, is liberally scattered with cynically positioned baskets of cuddly lovable polar bears... baskets easily mistaken for the ultimate soft play pit by the polar bear struck preschooler. 

Strangely, the approaches to the checkouts were strewn with lonely white-furred bears, deposited amongst the storage boxes, or balanced on shelving units, each, no doubt, prized from the hands of a screaming child.

Kurtzhau's bear - having rapidly acquired a personality - (False bass voice): " Can Kurtzhau take me home, please? I want to look after the little polar bear [which he already has]" - survived this 1812-esque gauntlet, and made it home where he blended in with all the other ice-loving animals.

In other news, my new typing chair is very comfortable indeed. Never, ever, skimp on your chair if you spend time in front of the PC.

mood: relaxed

Kurtzhau - aged 3 - bounces into the study. "Daddy! (Boing!) Daddy! (Boing!) I don't want to go to sleep! (Boing!) There are monsters all around the house."

"OK son", I say in my best Russel Crowe voice. "You wait here, I'll deal with the monsters." With a flourish, I grab the nearest weapon to hand - a very sturdy single handed sword - and stride out to do battle. 

He ushers me into room after room: "Monsters in kitchen, Daddy.... In bedroom... In bathroom."

In each, I bang spoons on the blade to make it sing. I grunt. I make monster-running-away-while-bleeding sounds. Finally, the house cleansed, I stride back to the study, covered in victory, and put the sword away. "There. I've vanquished all the monsters!"

Now, in the Hollywood biopic version of my life, Kurtzhau gives me a hug and goes off to bed feeling secure and protected by his sword-swinging Daddy.

In real life...

"You wait here Daddy. I go get my sword. Then we hunt the monsters again, together..."

And we do.